Heroes of the Faith Trading Cards

In another world not to dissimilar from ours the following promo was sent to managers of various corporate, Christian bookstores.

Dear Sir or Madame,

Soon you will have the opportunity to provide for the spiritual nurture of your young consumers by making available The Heroes of the Faith trading card collection. That’ right Jesus and his disciples are taking over the trading card industry by storm, and they’re not going to stop until the cards have been sold to every young soul.

Every card features a high gloss artistic rendering of what each hero looked like based upon the best research available to Biblical and historical scholars. Printed on the back of each card is a brief biography, as well as lifetime stats for the following categories: Missionary Power, Moral Power, and Miracle Power. The stats for each category is derived from a formula that assesses that hero’ accomplishments in building God’ Kingdom and assigns it a value according to a criteria revealed to a panel of Spirit filled men. The three numbers are also averaged to give an overall score for that particular Hero of the Faith. This number is then printed in the lower right hand corner of the card to give its owner an sense of the magnitude of the hero whose card they own.

The amount of times each card will be printed for each hero will be in reciprocal proportion to the magnitude of that particular hero. Thus heroes like the Apostle Paul will be much rarer and consequently more valuable than some lesser known hero like Thomas A’Kempis or Julian of Norwich. Also, to help increase the possibility for demand, special limited editions will be periodically issued with each having their own theme. Among the themes soon to be released are:

-Heros who were once thought to be Heretics
-Prostitutes who have now given their body to the Lord
-From moral wretches to moral wonders
-Catholics who were practically Protestant
-Intellectuals who actually loved Jesus

Imagine the hours of enjoyment your customers will have as they purchase and trade cards to develop their own collection. And, imagine the eternal reward you will receive on the day of reckoning when God makes clear what you deserve for taking advantage of this opportunity to build up his Kingdom.

3 Responses to “Heroes of the Faith Trading Cards”

  1. Simon Jones  

    I’m picturing ‘Buddy Christ‘ 🙂

  2. Angela Varble  

    I’m interested in the cards. How much are they and how do I get them?

  3. Anthony Velez  

    If you understood the tongue and cheek nature of the post and your just playing along, then pardon me. However, I don’t want to be unresponsive or make any assumptions. So, let me make explicit that this entry was a bit of satire. The cards don’t exist. I made them up to make a point about Christian commercialism. Honestly, I am not sure when to say its just too much, as I often buy Christian books and music, but when I go into Christian bookstores and see all of the Christian stuff I am confronted with the fact that Christians have a baptized counterpart to everything that is in the world. Along with this, Christian products feed into the consumerism that I believe that ancient fathers called the sin of avarice or gluttony.