The Eudaimonia of Girl Scout Cookies

The following is an adaptation of an email I sent to co-workers to persuade them to buy my daughter’s Girl Scout Cookies. I enjoyed writing it, and I thought it was entertaining enough to bring a smile to the faces of the masses who read my blog.

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Blessed colleagues who are about to become more blessed,

I am shamelessly using work media for a matter of personal interest. My daughter, Elena, is selling Girl Scout cookies (do I need to say “Thin Mint” to consciously put you in touch with the opportunity you have here). Yes, I know you might resist, because (a) calories, and (b) cost, or stated another way, the monetary and caloric cost of buying and eating GS cookies. So, before you make that resistance a definitive “no”, let us reason together.

The Greeks have a term “eudaimonia” which in denuded form translates to the English word “happiness” but is better translated as something like “human flourishing”, which is the idea I want to capitalize upon (both monetarily and intellectually) as I reason with you regarding why you should buy some GS cookies from my daughter. Each box of cookies is, to borrow a phrasing from late night infomercials, “available for the low, low cost of only $4.00″ So, even considering the rather meager compensation of college jobs, the price is doable. Regarding the calories, the benefit of the overwhelming sense of well-being and prosperity of soul that eating GS cookies will bring is worth whatever calories you pack on as a result of such partaking. The formula for this cost benefit ratio works out something like this

Benefit: 1,000,000 eudaimonia points
Cost: 160 Calories for four cookies

To help make this information more meaningful, let me state that most sane, well-adjusted people live at around 200,000 eudaimonia points. Furthermore, people with Bi-Polar disorder clock in at around 400,000 eudaimonia points in the manic phase of their disorder, and they crash at around 30,000 eudamonia points in their depressive phase. By comparison, there is no depressive phase in eating GS cookies, there is only a fond remembrance of what it was like to eat such cookies and thereby exist in such a potent state of eudamonia, the mere remembrance of which is able to provide an additional 50,000 points of eudamonia to the norm of 200,000. Did you get that!? 50,000 for the mere remembrance of eating these cookies!

Regarding the calories, 160 divided by 4 is 40, which goes into 3000 calories roughly 70 times!! This means that you can eat 70 cookies at the mere cost of only adding one pound of body weight. Keep in mind, once you exceed eating only 20 cookies you are approaching the intense feeling of euphoria that heroine users experience, but without the nasty physiological and psychological addiction that ensues from such use.

So, all in all, on all levels, the money it will cost you is nothing compared to the benefit you will receive in buying some cookies from my daughter.

I thank you for your consideration.

See you soon.

5 Responses to “The Eudaimonia of Girl Scout Cookies”

  1. Roger Green  

    What a clever ruse! I’m convinced…

  2. K.L.B.  

    … as I reason with you regarding why you should buy some GS cookies from my daughter.” You forgot the DISCOUNTED price of… $3.99!! (You could eat a penny.) What if I don’t like “Thin Mint”? Is that all ya’ got? What’ll you sell ‘em to me for if I buy a case… or 5ive? When should I place my order, and how soon will it arrive? How long can they be stored? Will you ship?

  3. Anthony Velez  

    Kevin –

    The following is the list of cookies that Girl Scouts sell:

    -Thanks-A-Lot: fudge dipped shortbread cookies
    -Shout Outs!: Blelgian carmelized cookies
    -Lemonades: shortbread with lemon icing cookies
    -Shortbread: uhh, shortbread
    -Thin Mints: THE Form of yum embodied in cookie confection
    -Peanut Butter Patties: the penultimate Form of yum embodied in cookie confection
    -Caramel deLites: vanilla cookies drenched in caramel and topped with coconut
    -Peanut Butter Sandwich: Peanut butter between oatmeal cookies

    Having said all this, I have to unfortunately tell ya that we don’t ship. That said, I’m sure you could find a local scout who would be glad to sell you some. Also, I just found out that you can buy cookies on behalf of soldiers and have them sent over sea, and as I understand it, the Thin Mints are popular over there.

  4. K.L.B.  

    The “Fresnan eudaimoniac.” If cast out, where do they go? Shaver Lake, or Pixley? What then becomes of… The Fresnan?

  5. Anthony Velez  

    Dude, that’s easy, he follows Jesus, and he leads many others to Jesus as well, because they all remember how crazy he was as a eudaimoniac, and they all see how sane he is now, and so they all want some of that, so they start following Jesus as well.

    Of course, being a eudaimoniac is a far cry better than being a demoniac. The former could lead to enlightenment, whereas the latter could lead to the destruction of one’s soul.

    Actually, in processing this with you, I would say that GS cookies are a faint adumbration of the eudaimonia that Jesus fully and freely gives.