I am obsessed with judgment day, particularly as it is understood within the Christian Tradition, however, my obsession leads me to imagine multiple variations on a theme, of which I thought I would share one with you in this post. So here it goes.
It is the end of the age, and I am standing, along with all of humanity from all time and all places, in an incredibly long, single-file line, a line a thousand times longer than all the lines for Star Wars in 1977. This line leads to the throne room where I know I will stand before God, all by myself, to receive the judgment that will determine my eternal fate.
As the line slowly moves forward, I review my life trying to anticipate what God’s response will be. As it turns out, in the afterlife the passage of time is meaningless, which is to say that though the line was very long, it wasn’t long before I was hailed to stand before God. When I get there, however, I am surprised to find a panel of three judges, one whom is Jesus, and the other two are apostles, one on his left and the other on his right. As I prepare to step forward, I am told to sing, which seems odd, but then I am further told that the quality of my voice will be an exact expression of the moral and spiritual quality of my life on Earth. At this moment I am thinking of those sad and self-deluded contestants on American Idol who stand before Randy, Paula, and Simon thinking they got talent, but who are about to be rudely awakened.
God have mercy!