Buddha Squares

Last Sunday morning, in the half consciousness that I typically occupy before I get out of bed, a thought came to me, “What if the religions of the world were cereal?” From this question the first cereal and slogan that I thought of went like this, “Buddha Squares! There’ nothing inside the box!” Further riding this train of thought, I then moved to Xianity, and without much effort I came up with the following name and slogan, “Grains of Grace! It’s free and like most of our customers you can take it, and put the unopened box on your shelf to go stale.”

So, this is as far as I got. Does anyone else care to come up with his or her own religion-as-cereal add campaign?

8 Responses to “Buddha Squares”

  1. Simon Jones  

    On my Facebook profile I have listed my religion as Jenna Jameson. So if one eats cereal in the morning I…

    You know what, I think I’ll refrain from going any further with this comment.

  2. Anthony Velez  

    Simon, thanks for the tasteful restraint.

  3. Simon Jones  

    What about ‘charismatic crackers’, all sugary and fun but after the sugar rush their really isn’t anything there for your body to use and you probably should have bought the Fruit-n-Fibre instead but that looked boring.

    Or Unitarian Flakes… that one should be self explanatory surely? 🙂

  4. Scott Bradley  

    I was thinking of Gnostic Flakes. Sugar coated whole grains … with a secret decoder ring in every box.

    For some reason, the whole idea of Jenna Jameson qua religion qua cereal makes me think of “Snap, crackle, pop,” … but I won’t go there.

  5. Sam  

    Because Testamints weren’t enough. I expect to see Grains of Grace at Berean next time in Fresno.

  6. Anthony Velez  

    Scott, If you and Gabby are hoping to have kids one day, I don’t think the snap, crackle, pop route is the path to conception. However, it probably is fun!

    Sam, I was hoping to make a pitch to Kelloggs for Grains of Grace, because I figured that if Xians will buy Testamints, then what won’t they buy, and I might just be able to pay off my student loans with this one.

    Simon, There has to be something that could be done with fiber and religion. Perhaps something like, “Just as God cleansed your soul, so can Grains of Grace cleanse your colon!”

  7. tom  

    Mega Baptist Muslix – You know its all twigs and sticks and you buy it with good intentions of lowering your cholesterol (sin), but it just is so dry and scratchy that it doesn’t go down. The end result is that it just stays in it’s box never really helping anyone lower their cholesterol. As a metter of fact it makes the whole idea of lowering your cholesterol just sound like crap.

  8. ROG  

    Wicca Os? All that stuff in a circle.
    Puritix? They’re like Kix, but since fun is is frowned upon, they’re very dry. Kix without the kicks.
    Beyond that, we have this cult of personality in these megachurches, as we have movie characters on the front of our boxes, so Oral Roberts’ Righteous Rice cereal, Jerry Falwell’s Flakes of Faith. Too bad Jim Bakker’s dead – he could probably sell Bakker’s Bran of Manna.