Two Truths and A Lie

As the game goes, below are two truths and a lie. Can you tell which one is which? Chris, you can’t respond as I believe you know all my stories.


After filling up at a mini-mart on the outskirts of Fresno near 99, while walking back to the car with my arms loaded with road trip supplies: Gatorade, a tube of Pringles, a bag of K.C. Masterpiece BBQ chips, a giant size Twix (four bars, not just two), a 20 ounce cup of coffee, and a pack of Camel Wides, I noticed in the distance some lights flashing blue and red. A few moments later, while fumbling around for my keys, I quickly found myself surrounded by a half dozen cop cars, with the cops standing behind their doors pointing their weapons at me. No one said anything, while I just stood there thinking, “Sh*t! Should I have asked for those matches and not just taken them?” when finally a cop declared, “Heee’ not Hispanic!” in response to which they all jumped back into their cars and took off.


“Look at the size of that wave!” was the last thing I heard when a giant wet hand ripped me from my position on the cliffs about ten feet above the Mendocino shoreline. While the wave lifted me up another five feet to get my buddy, Kevin, and while it lowered us both back down to the sea, I remember thinking that this would be the opportunity for my youth pastor to jump in after us, as he said he would when a few moments ago somebody asked him what he would do if any of us fell in. I also remember thinking what a freak of nature this wave was since in the twenty minutes that I had been on that cliff not one previous wave had even come within five feet of where I was standing. Finally, I remember wondering if this was it, imagining how my Mom would feel upon news of my death. Fortunately, my youth pastor did not have to prove himself as almost instantly another gracious wave came and lifted my buddy and me back up to the cliffs and rather gently set us about four feet below where I was originally standing.


My friend Chris kicked the side of the U-Haul when we both realized that the keys to the vehicle, which I placed in my backpack, which he placed and locked in the back of the van, were now inaccessible, leaving us stranded at a KOA somewhere in Colorado. I, feeling that he could be somewhat of a jerk when he is upset, decided to go to a nearby river, to get some distance, and some perspective, and eventually to pray. “Dear God,” I said awkwardly, “Surely if you made the world you can open the back of the U-Haul van; so, please send an angel to open that thing up.” and just as soon as I made my request I heard the van door slide open. Our angel was apparently some sixty- year-old fellow with a key he had for about twenty years that just happened to work on the lock of the van door.


In closing, I feel the need to make this disclaimer to be fair to my friend Chris. Chris, I know that I also can be somewhat of a jerk when I’m upset.

5 Responses to “Two Truths and A Lie”

  1. Simon  

    Well now, all of these could be true but I think that I am going to go for the first one. That seems to me like something that would be funny to happen in the movie of your life, but not for real. I mean surely the cops would have approached you and detained you even if they were unsure if you were the suspect. So yeah, story number 1 is the lie.

    I like all these stories though. I’m really hoping the second is true and the third sounds very believable. Funny how you called the old guy an angel. That reminds me of my Homeless Angles post that I made a while back where one commenter suggests that maybe I was someone’s angel!

    And regarding your disclaimer… I am the same. Sometimes when I am upset I am SUCH a jerk. I cringe when I think of how much of a jerk I’ve been to people in the past when I’ve been mad. So not that it’s any concelation mate, but you’re not alone in that trait.

    Great post Anthony!

  2. Anthony Velez  

    I was hoping for more guesses before I reply, but I have let this post stand beyond its expiration date; so, I will let the cat out of the proverbial bag. The first story is the lie… sort of. This story actually did happen, but not to me; rather, it a happened to a former roommate. Simon made an interesting observation that the cops would surely have approached my friend, but as it turned out they thwarted protocal and the whole thing unfolded pretty much the way I told it, which was why it was so damn surreal and funny. My guess is that the cops were in pursuit of someone and realized that my roommate didn’t fit the description upon getting an upclose view, and so not wanting to waste time they just jumped back into their cars and pursued in the last known direction of the perp.

  3. Simon  

    Yay! Do I win something. 🙂

    And what a bummer there weren’t other responses

  4. Kevin Benson  

    Hi Tony – Wow!. I didn’t realize I had made it into one of your blogs. Unfortunately, what you actually have here is two lies and a truth… sort of. It was actually Eric that got swept away with you. And while you say the second wave treated you “rather gently,” I recall that both of you, while safe and sound, were a bit banged up.

  5. Anthony Velez  

    Kevin, you have demonstrated the convolutions of memory. You, are right, it was Eric, and for some reason I was thinking it was you that took that ride with me. As a result of your feedback, however, I think the picture is becoming clearer. I think Eric and I were equal distance down the cliff, you were a few feet above us, and everyone else was very near the top. So, when the wave came, it lifted Eric and I almost to where you were, got you wet, and Eric and I took the ride to the bottom.